In the pursuit of hope, we have led ourselves astray. Family members conspire behind mom's back. We whisper while letting the faucet run much too long for a single dish or the garbage disposal just seems to have a tough go with the single bean. "Son, why don't you come help me take out the garbage" or "Dad, show me the skyline before despair becomes our newest mantra..." You see, we haven't told mom that the cancer's terminal. And this cabal has planned her funeral and burial while urging her to muster strength.
I've spoken with friends, and they are aghast that we bind her to this ignorance. Of course she has a right to know, and we understand this. Our intentions are innocent and pure, and we know in our hearts that we cannot carry these pretenses much further. All of us must face truth. But...but we know her and her predilections. She must fight further, and we'll smother the demons beneath the bed, slay all darkness in the closet, and ply her with anodyne. Please, give us some time in this first stage of grief...
And we wait...
The first chemo treatment is scheduled next week. Already we grow fearful of either possibility - the chemo stems the pain and lets her linger in the liminal state or her symptoms continue unabated. Thereafter the truth will cut her free, and we'll wait.
